Guide For Keeping Hands Clean
We all know the worst part of eating chips is the end when you've just licked all the flavouring off of your fingers, and now you have to do the walk of shame to the bathroom to go wash your hands. So here are some ways to keep your hands clean:
- Chopsticks
- Spoon
- Tongue
- Nails
- Tears
I know this sounds weird, but if you have any amount of dexterity with chopsticks, you could just pour the chips into a bowl and eat them one by one, thus only have to wash the chopsticks. This method also has the benefit of preserving the size and shape of the chips.
Ok, before you think I've lost my mind, I've never done this. But the method goes that you smash the chips into tiny pieces with the spoon, and then eat it like you would a tin of baked beans. This seems good on paper, but something about crushing the chips with a spoon is just deeply unsettling to me.
This method is really good if you're alone or your friends are equally shameless. To do this, tap the chip with your tongue, reel it in to your mouth, chew, swallow, and repeat. This uses only the tongue, meaning you don't have to wash up at all! The only downside is you can only really do this one at home.
This is where I go completely insane. If you grow out your nails, you can use them to eat the chips by grabbing the sides, and only have to wipe down your nails at the end.
Cry. Then, use your wet eyelids to grab the chips, and open your eyes to drop the chips, and catch them with your tongue. This is completely sane. I'm fine.